Suddenly a single parent – what now?

If things turn out differently than planned, life turns upside down: suddenly you’re a single parent, responsible for everything. In this guide you will find resources for the first time as a single-parent family.

Separation, divorce, custody, child support, alimony: suddenly, unexpected issues arise. As a mother or father, you alone have to take care of everyday organization and living arrangements, finances and pensions as well as legal matters – but you don’t have the time, energy and nerves to do this. In other words, you are in an extreme situation right now. Here are the key points:

1. Try to keep a cool head in spite of everything.
2. Accept any help, even if it is sometimes difficult.
3. Take good care of yourself, especially when it doesn’t seem possible.

How do single parents cope with everyday life?

Carrying the day-to-day tasks and the burden of responsibility alone is exhausting and can easily lead to mental fatigue. Now clear structures are needed that bring some order to the chaos.

1. Write down tasks: write down everything that is bubbling through your head but can’t be done right away. Whether it’s on a notepad or a smartphone, the main thing is to keep track.
2. Create a weekly plan: record appointments and tasks in a clear calendar or an app. Menu planning and weekly shopping also simplify everyday life.
3. Draw up an emergency plan: who should be contacted if you’re unreachable? What should you do if you’re unable to work? Who’s the pediatrician? Create an emergency sheet with important contacts for daycare, kindergarten, etc.
4. Establish routines: fixed processes provide reassurance, not only for your child, but also for you. At the beginning, it takes strength to practice a ritual, but in the long run, it saves a lot of discussion.
5. Schedule breaks: scan your agenda for gaps and set aside time for things that do you good. Breathing moments are now more important than ever. 

Where can single parents find practical support?

Tips for childcare

Parenting is a fulfilling but also exhausting task, especially emotionally. Now the parent who takes over the upbringing needs additional relief. Are there potential babysitters in your area? You can always ask! 

• Relatives – your parents, siblings, cousins, nieces, etc.
• Neighborhood – families in the neighborhood, families with playmates, maybe a “substitute granny”
• Circle of friends – people close to you or your child’s godparents

If you can’t find childcare, the Swiss Red Cross offers short-term childcare at home. Rates are income-related.

Tips for the household

Some housework can be simplified or  delegated. Check what’s possible and makes things easier for you.

• Online shopping/delivery services: order everyday necessities right on your doorstep – this saves time and stress.
• Laundry/cleaning: maybe you know someone who has a lot of time and likes to fold or iron laundry? Is it possible to hire a cleaner?
• Meals: cook larger quantities and freeze the leftovers. Also, pick out a few recipes that are easy and quick to prepare.

Tips for organizational matters

Use synergies! If two single parents take turns looking after the children of both families, they each have a free half-day. Eat together so that only one person has to stand in the kitchen. Driving services, accompanying children and the like can also be easily shared among several parents.

What will change legally and financially for single parents? 

Legal questions

You can regulate the separation with a separation agreement (more information). In particular, it should define housing, finances and upbringing.

Parental custody and visiting rights, child support and the entitlement to alimony are often key issues in the event of a separation or divorce. If you get stuck, get expert support:

• Pro Familia Schweiz (only in German)
• Cantonal contact points and offers – example of the Canton of Zurich
• SVAMV Swiss Association of Single Mothers and Fathers (only in German)

What’s more, AXA-ARAG offers free legal tips on this subject. If you’re insured with AXA but don’t have legal protection, you can book legal advice over the phone for a fixed price.

Financial questions

Many single parents have a very tight budget. Find out how to budget correctly – the initial effort is worth it! Apps for your smartphone help you keep track of your expenses at all times.

For financial help, contact an advice center, for example:

• Winterhilfe (only in German)
• Caritas Schweiz
• Budgetberatung Schweiz (only in German)

Questions about insurance

Discuss with your advisor whether insurance contracts should be amended to reflect the new situation. In this blog, you’ll find out all about the most important types of insurance for families.

In particular, you should take a close look at your retirement provision. Regular payments are worthwhile, even if you can only set aside small amounts.

How do I support my child through a separation?

After a separation, your child must first find their way around the new family situation. Here’s how you can support them:

• Emotional security: create the most loving and relaxed environment that you can. Encourage your child to express grief and anger – appropriate stories, pictures, or music can help.
• Clear communication: explain the situation to your child in an age-appropriate and neutral manner (do not malign the other parent). Take their fears and questions seriously, but stand firm if you don’t have an answer.
• Quality times: joint activities strengthen the bond. You should also involve those around you: social contacts and pleasant experiences are good for your child. Check whether you’re entitled to a KulturLegi discount card.

Have you noticed disturbing behavior in your child? Then do not hesitate to seek professional help.

Suddenly a single parent – what do I need?

Feelings of guilt, loneliness and existential fears are a problem for many single mothers and fathers. Parents really want to be strong, but the best way to help your child is to take good care of yourself.

• Talking: withdrawal is often counterproductive – try and talk to people you trust, experts, or other affected parties (in forums, self-help groups, or via SVAMV Swiss Association of Single Mothers and Fathers).
• Accepting: it is what it is. It’s okay to feel bad. And it’ll take time before it gets better. Acceptance makes difficult times more bearable.
• Enjoying: treat yourself to small pleasures and breaks in everyday life. This is an investment not least in your mental health.